At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
