then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
