i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
