I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
