My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize