I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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