and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
