and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I currently don't understand fingers.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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