If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
