Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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