god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
