I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
