If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
