we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
