i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
