I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
