just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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