Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
