Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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