At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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