I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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