why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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