She is in my trunk
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
