pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
