she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
