I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
