We're facebook friends in real life
i don't like sucking hair
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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