Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
