So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
