Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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