dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
