im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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