If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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