the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
honey bunches of taint.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
