His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
