One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
