I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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