I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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