I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
