i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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