i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
