how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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