So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
