I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
