He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
