I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize