Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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