i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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