i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
