When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
