and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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