Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
