Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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