Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
