And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
