Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
