pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
