How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
