but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
