Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
