He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
