I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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