So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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