i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
