I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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