I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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