I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You don't make any sense
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