p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
