My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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