dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
