Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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