she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize