then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The uberlube is also flammable
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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